What to do when you are scared of life?

How strange! 

How very strange it is because so infinitely different from what we were taught, and in our half-hearted way tried to believe when on earth.

I find it so different—this is not the highest heaven—you might just say the border of the infinite kingdom. 

But all is so natural, all so beautiful and so like our highest dreams if we had such dreams and desires. I had only the old orthodox conceptions—a dim cloudy vision of harps and choirs, and a sort of eternal Sunday.

How I wish I could describe it to you!

But I think I can only give you the idea of a natural life on earth, but with all pain and sorrow removed, all bickerings, all quarrels, wars or epidemics or disease—in fact, all evil, all discomfort removed and only happiness and joyous health and beauty of surroundings, and then friendships and occupations such as one desires. 

I feared to come and regarded the approaching end as a fearful calamity, never knowing that it was the open door to a country so fair that I could have no regret.